Suicide is just a moment. This is how she described it to me. For just a moment, it doesn’t matter that you’ve got people who love you and the sun is shining and there’s a movie coming out this weekend that you’ve been dying to see. It hits you all of a sudden that nothing is ever going to be okay, ever, and you kind of dare yourself. You pick up a knife and press it gently to your skin, you look out a nineteenth-story window and you think, I could just do it. I could just do it. And most of the time, you look at the height and you get scared - You think about how sad it would’ve been if you never got to see that movie, and you look at your dog and wonder who would’ve taken care of her if you had gone. And you go back to normal. But you keep it there in your mind. Even if you never take yourself up on it, it gives you a kind of comfort to know that the day is yours to choose. You tuck it away in your brain like sour candy tucked in your cheek, and the puckering memory it leaves behind, the rough pleasure of running your tongue over its strange terrain, is exactly the same.
Carolyn Parkhurst (via hellanne)

(via fading-)

Source: hellanne

undergrad

last day of undergrad classes is on tuesday. i can’t believe this is happening so soon. i have yet to accept the fact that i am in university let alone finishing it. where have the past four years gone?

don’t you ever wish on me?

i’ve had an interesting and very fortunate few weeks. i have received some great news and am so grateful and touched beyond words.

on top of that my seminar went really well and i can’t even express my gratitude to my friends and classmates who were so supportive throughout my insane nerves.

i am luckier than i deserve.

i feel like i have no right to be upset but i can’t help feeling like something is missing - don’t you ever wish on me?